One of the biggest difficulties facing this great nation is the state of the economy. Sure, the Dow closed above 13,000 for the first time since before the Great Recession, but there’s no indication that the market is going to turn around completely. One of the things that needs to happen before consumer confidence goes up again is that we need to solve the unemployment problem. This has been as issue that has stumped most of our great economists and our President has enacted legislature to help with this issue to little effect. So, how are we supposed to fix this? The answer may have been right under our nose the whole time. My friends…we need more natural disasters.

With all the good jobs going overseas and companies too cost-wary to hire new people, employment is at a standstill. We need to find ways to create jobs on our home soil for the American worker. But, how are natural disasters supposed to help our economy? Because every natural disaster comes with a plethora of jobs dedicated to cleaning up after said disaster. Reconstruction for areas affected by natural and man-made disasters are gold mines for job-seeking men and women. Take New Orleans for instance. After a slight uptick in unemployment directly after Hurricane Katrina, the region saw unemployment around 3% before the housing bubble burst. The faulty levee system has forced New Orleans to rethink their energy systems, and as a result, they are a leader in clean energy programs which employ around 6,000 jobs for the region. Man made disasters are a great opportunity as well. British Petroleum lent their hand as great job innovators by creating around 20,000 jobs in the New Orleans area alone, with another 500-4000 in Florida, by putting a little bit of oil in the Gulf for the local people to clean up. Great disasters just always seem to come with great job opportunities. And don’t you worry about those environmental effects, BP CEO Tony Hayward insists that he’s sorry. (Really, really sorry)

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This is dangerous. How can we be expected to control these disasters? Katrina alone killed 1800 people. For solutions to these problems, we look to our friends to the East. China has been leading the way in weather control systems for years now. The Chinese government has a system called “cloud-seeding” in which they shoot projectiles, such as rocket launchers, into the clouds with a chemical called silver iodide that can be used to induce rain and other weather patterns. China was able to produce almost 50 billion tons of artificial rain this way. If we were to develop a way to launch enough of these suckers, I’m sure that the US could create a system for making little hurricanes and tornadoes just big enough to cause a little damage, but small enough to not hurt anybody. By controlling the weather patterns, we keep the local people safe while creating jobs. At the very least, getting this technology out of Communist hands and into our own can be chalked up as a W for the good ol’ US of A. And we always have oil spills as a safety valve.

So, let’s keep this going America. We’ve been brutal enough to our environment that we’ve had a couple of natural disasters pop up on their own, but let’s give Mother Nature a breather and take this into our own hands. Jobs just don’t create themselves. And we can’t keep factories in the US anyways. I can’t be expected to pay an extra $50 on my new iPad 3 by having the components made in a US factory at an extra $8 an hour. Plus, who really wants to work at an assembly line anyways? By 2020, the newest job trend will be shooting rocket launchers filled with chemicals into the sky and cleaning up whatever presents rain down from the heavens afterwards. Mark my words.

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6 responses »

  1. Paul Martin says:

    I found this post interesting because I went to New Orleans last summer to help rebuild houses after Hurricane Katrina. Specifically, I was working with some people from Habitat for Humanity, along with other Bucknellians. Although Habitat for Humanity isn’t purely devoted to work after natural disasters, a large portion of rebuilding houses is the result of disasters such as floods and hurricanes. The problem I see with Marc’s proposal is the economic side. Sure, there will be a huge availability of jobs for cleanup and rebuilding, but who will pay for those workers? The government sure doesn’t want to. Most workers in Habitat for Humanity are volunteers for a week or two. Aside from people who work in the Habitat offices who make a decent wage, the only other people who earn a salary are people recently out of college serving as general supervisors, and they make significantly less than any starting wage at a traditional job. You might think that a local government or even the local people and companies might be able to pay salaries, but governments and locals are usually strapped for cash after a disaster, devoting most of their funds to food and temporary shelter. That said, I definitely appreciate the ingenuity of Marc’s modest proposal.

  2. brookeparker16 says:

    They use cloud seeding in Colorado too!! They use it to try to produce snow for the mountains. However, it was not working early this winter when I was skiing on rocks……

  3. Lindsay S. says:

    This is really interesting to think about. My concern is that these intentional natural disasters would either be negatively impacting people’s lives too much or would not be generating enough job opportunities. If they were controlled enough as not to harm any people, then where would the line be drawn? Could people’s homes be destroyed as long as they survived? Or could nothing about their life be disrupted? If that were to be the case, then I don’t think any natural disaster would really be a viable option. If it were assumed that people’s lives could be a little disrupted, then how much cleanup would really be required? My guess would be not that much because it can’t take that long to fix a bridge or two that became damaged in a storm. If a natural disaster causes widespread devastation, that’s another story and there’d be plenty of cleanup required. That type of natural disaster would undoubtedly cause a lot of harm to people though.

  4. Marc says:

    I agree that this might not be the most practical solution to the unemployment crisis, but the point I was trying to get at is that it is such a mess that our government might as well try something crazy. The cloud seeding process to create mini-natural disasters would most likely cause problems for the people around them, but I was trying to set the tone to say that the US is such a power that they can control the weather to do what they want. I was mostly just trying to get at the fact that unemployment is such a big issue, with jobs going overseas and unemployment rising domestically, and that it’s kind of bizarre that our nation’s leading economists can’t find any solutions.

  5. […] The best overall blog goes to “Natural Disaster, Natural Solutions”–Marc […]

    • paplanner says:

      A little tongue in cheek combined with some original thought is always interesting, when it is well written, humorous and elicits serious reaction, you’re on to something.

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